Fancy Dress...

Currently still reclining on the Isle, I've been forced to think of an emergency fancy dress costume. Not a problem for most, but the cliche of cats, sailors,nurses-you know cutesy sexy things that babes like NEVER appeal,until we are there and it's too late that is and this time I am taking on the party alone. I thought to keep safe and I'd go as a Dr...however the more I think about it the more I worry-people won't know what I am, I'l look shit etc etc...so once again the reoccurring fancy dress fantasy is encircling my head- Jonathon Creek.

How completely bloody ridiculous. How can I cure myself of this insatiable urge to dress like a 90's lesbian. Despite JC being an amazing and simple costume with the ability to amuse and bring fun to any party,once the initial wow factor is over, the reality is crimped hair,a parker and clompy boots for the remainder of the night. Whilst the comedy costume attracts babes for at least 10 mins on arrival, inevitably the cliche cats WILL get the cream for the remaining hours, leaving Jon and Maddie bound to the corner,guzzling wine from the bot with only each other for company.

It is like some sort of addiction- we should have learnt very early on these ridiculous outfits aren't the way forward and just accept that scantily clad school girls and boring Barbies are what girls should be aspiring to.

The first fancy dress faux-par was at the age of 16. A P party.

That night P was for Pensioner.

I think the next costume disaster was probably the ORIGINAL smallbrooke party. We went all out considering we weren't actually invited.It was Dan Andrews joining the army leaving party as I remember.

Airhostesses,a cat and a mexican.

This night ended in Gayg dressed as a rice picker, antagonizing a thug and getting kicked in whilst I hit him with my gold sandles in a two piece tweed suit complete with name badge, THEN being so distraught I accidently cheated on my disgusting cling on boyfriend with an older babe-still wearing the air hostess get up.The consequences of this night were so horrific,I learnt my lesson in fighting and being faithful-sort of.

Shortly after our friend Ellie held a beach party at her home. Everyone decided to show up fashionably late leaving us to drink all of the punch we'd spiked in order to loosen a few bores before hand, hence the party was in full swing before anyone arrived. Nobody else dressed up and the night culminated in my being sick and heartbreaking all over the garden at my newly ex(much nicer than the last)boyfriend's feet dressed as a life guard. And this....

However the night was not at a loss. Marts fired up the petrol mower and I was carried on the shoulders of several Wades, Atch and a Wroath back into the part.

Shortly after this Dan Andrews held another party we crashed in fancy dress-It wasn't fancy dress. Graz was so wasted and wearing his Nan's top- His Dad had remove him.

Then it was this.Alot of effort went in for free entry and a shot.

This inspired me later in Uni life-Jedward Bats.Again for free entry and drink. I got called several unpleasant names that night simply for sporting the boys on either shoulder.

Don't get me wrong, there has been times the fancy dress was normal. The life guard was pretty tame-whacked that one out twice, I once went as a lion again to ellies house party, she was a parrot and calsey a snake. I ended up being sick on my own car whilst Doug held my hair, him crawling me up the stair for the 4 hours I thought were 15mins and my phone being stolen. He also got a parking ticket. As we slept on the sofa and Cade lorded it up in Leahs bed- Calsey spend the evening grooming and "looking after" non other than Dorothy(dan)Poore, for his gf. Shes a kind soul. We also went to the bestival as a garden-I was the gardener and the rest my little bugs.There was also cowboys,witches,togas,Russel Brand and my favourite ever night-BRIGHT AND TIGHT.

I think our most recent fancy dress endeavor needs no words. Probably THE most horrific costumes we have ever attempted- none of us had ever had so many looks,comments and insults.I think its safe to say we looked horrific and the idea did not work visually as we had expected. One of my most awful memories in life is the moment Ed begged my to take my wig off as I made him feel sick.

Our costumes lasted an hour despite planning to spend the weekend in them, we endured looks from the public but when our own friends pleaded with us to remove them,We thought it best.

MJ THROUGH THE AGES + Janet.

The bestival theme this year was "space". Needless to day- We attracted no babes.

What-so-ever.

Thats a lie actually- Maz got a visitor to her fish festival, but hes a regular so it doesn't really count.

For my birthday we went for a gossip girl theme,thought that was quite safe. How we were wrong. Arriving in a gang of toffed up,snotty arrogant bastards to the most grubby club in England-Amadangerous, a place that boasts its own regular slot on Booze Britain was again another stupid idea.We looked effing rediculous,yet again but what a brilliant merging of uni and island friends.It was historical.

Anyway...the point of this rambling was too establish a costume for tomorrow...My auntie suggested Florence to accompany the GaGA and Winehouse already attending.I decided to adapt this and perhaps go as a hippie in original kaftan, pretty hair and headband. Then I decided to source an afro to go with it and perhaps even black up. I ran this past Vernon to which she stuffed a stethoscope in my palm.

Doctor it is then Mum.